


Personal Logs

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18283907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: Ensigns Wilson and Colb are in charge of archiving the logs of the Enterprise’s senior crew. When shocking revelations are made about uspoken feelings between two senior officers, they must decide what to do about the sensative information.





	Personal Logs

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is vaguely inspired by like 50+ different tumblr post things so like that’s a good time. Anyways it’s cheesy as fuck so i’ll let y’all get to it. Enjoy and if u do, let me know!

“First officer’s personal log-“ 

Ensign Reagan Colb and Ensign Hera Wilson sat in a small room, listening to the logs of the Enterprise’s famous command team as the computer began to archive them. It wasn’t always the most exciting job, but more often than not they got more details about strange, embarrassing, or amusing missions. So they enjoyed their jobs, even as Colb leaned back in their chair and let their eyes fall shut. 

”Strangely enough, I find myself anticipating the end of our mission.” Spock confessed. “I…I came to a…not quite a revelation, perhaps a reminder.” It was rare to hear the stoic first officer so at a loss for words. “I have committed a grave error.” Spock said, and Colb’s opened an eye, glancing at their friend as the pair listened to the recording. ”I…intruded on Jim’s privacy.” Spock let out a breath. 

“Jim would be-“ Hera began slowly. 

”Captain Kirk.” Reagan finished with a nod, both eyes now open. 

“I had not intended to. The meld was meant to be shallow, simple, unintrusive. He was in so much pain, I only wished to make him forget. And yet in doing so I have caused myself such agony.” 

Reagan and Hera exchanged a glance, both now wide awake, listening in fascination to the Vulcan. Both of them were human, and hadn’t met many Vulcans, but Vulcans didn’t seem the type to admit to mistakes. Nor did they often admit to having emotional states, certainly none as powerful as agony. 

”I had long suspected that Jim and I were bonded.” Wilson began choking on air as the phrase hit her. Colb shushed her, listening with wide eyes. “Writhing on the sands on Vulcan amid my Pon Farr…it was only logical that a bond would form between us. And yet I deluded myself into believing it had not occurred.” Spock let out what sounded like a sigh. “But as I touched his mind…his guard was down and I could no longer deny it. In that shallow meld I felt more content and complete than I ever have.” 

”Aw…” Hera breathed out before her friend shushed her once again. 

”I satisfied my Pon Farr because of my connection with Jim. And he lived. I should have known.” Spock scolded himself. Another long deeply affected sigh came over the recording. “By all means, Jim should be my husband-“ 

”What the fuck?” Reagan demanded, pausing the recording. “What the absolute fuck is going on here?” 

”Shut the fuck up!” Hera responded, batting their hand away from the screen. “This is incredible.” 

”Should we really be listening to this?” Reagan grabbed her hand before she pressed play again. 

”It’s our job.” Hera argued, sticking her tongue out. Reagan let out a sigh, letting go of her wrist. 

“By all means, Jim should be my husband…and I find I desire him as such.” The admission was so quiet and defeated, it made both Ensigns’ hearts ache. “I believe I have known this for quite some time. But I have ignored my desires for Jim. I know I am not what he wants. Jim would never desire a life bound to me. He…he would despise me if I were ever to reveal my true feelings. If I ever told him all he means to me. My friend…my dearest friend, I could never tell him the depths of the affection I hold towards him. I love him so desperately, I could not bear to live with his disdain.” Spock took in a shaky breath. Both ensigns felt tears prick the corners of their eyes. 

”Once our mission is over, I have arranged for passage back to Vulcan. I cannot remain bonded to Jim, I cannot keep feeling the way I do. I plan to undertake the Kohlinar when I return to Vulcan. Only once I am purged of these troublesome emotions will I be able to return to Starfleet.” Spock declared. He let out a soft breath. “I am sorry, Jim. I know you will not approve and I know you will not understand, but this is something I must do for you.” 

”That’s so sad.” Hera said as the recording stopped. 

”It is really…really sad.” Reagan wiped tears from their eyes. “I almost wish there was something we could do for him.” 

”We could make Kirk fall in love with him.” Hera rolled her eyes, wiping tears onto her sleeve. “Speaking of which, we gotta archive his latest personal log next.” Hera put the next recording in. 

“Captain’s personal log.” Kirk’s confident voice stated. “I find myself uneasy as the end of the mission grows nearer and nearer. I know I won’t be dirtside for long. But that’s not exactly what’s worrying right now, though maybe it should be.” He let out a sigh. “Spock’s been acting strangely lately. I asked him what he plans to do when he get to Earth and he didn’t give me a straight answer. He kept trying to change the subject. He’s the worst at keeping things secret.” Kirk chuckled, but there was an anxious edge to the laugh. “But why is he trying to keep secrets?” Another sigh left the recording as Colb and Wilson exchanged another glance. 

”Not to mention the fact that he’s limited basically all of our interaction to the bridge. No chess games or shared meals or doing paperwork together in my quarters. It’s gonna sound stupid, but I miss him.” Kirk admitted, pain evident in his voice. “As we get closer to disembarking I find myself realizing more and more just what he means to me. I’m terrified of what it’ll be like if I don’t have him in my life. And I just…I have to admit it, to myself at least, I’m in love with Spock.” 

Hera scrambled towards the pause button. “What the fuck?” She hissed. 

”Holy shit! Plot twist!” Reagan responded, spinning round in her chair. “They both…but they think the other and-“ 

”Shut up!” Hera turned back to the screen. “We gotta hear the rest of this.” She pressed play again. 

”I’m in love with Spock. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?” Kirk laughed, a sad, defeated sound. “I know they say Vulcans don’t have emotions, but nobody knows Spock like I do. No one else has seen him pull the illogical bullshit he does. He’s risked his life for mine out of panic. And he smiles. That smile…it’s just about the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t see it often enough, but I think I’m the only one that’s ever really seen it.” He sighed. “I know I can’t tell him. I don’t wanna mess up what we have. He’s my best friend and I’m his. I love him, but I can’t let him know. But…some small stupid part of me still hopes he might love me back someday. That one day he’ll walk up to me and say those three little illogical words.” Jim let out another sigh. “It’s ridiculous, I know.” 

”Well fuck.” Reagan said, looking over at Hera. “I feel like…” 

”We should tell them, shouldn’t we?” Hera asked. “If they’re in love…and they don’t think the other one feels the same, but we know better?” She looked to her friend. “I mean…Commander Spock wants to get rid of his emotions!” 

Reagan nodded. “It feels weird, but it’d feel shittier if they lost something beautiful and we were complicit in that.”

“Alright.” Hera ran a hand over her head. “I don’t think we’d be able to send in a call. When does the Enterprise get back?” 

”About a week and a half.” Reagan responded. “That gives us enough time to figure out what the hell we’re gonna say to these super famous senior officers.” 

* * *

”Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, we really need to speak with you two.” Reagan greeted the men among the crowds of officers around the Enterprise. 

”It’s pretty urgent.” Hera added, nodding her head quickly. 

Spock raised an eyebrow and he exchanged a glance with Jim. Jim looked at the pair of Ensigns. “Alright.” Jim said. “Give us about twenty minutes for some of these formalities. Unless it’s so urgent it has to be said right now.” He said with a raised eyebrow of his own. 

The Ensigns exchanged a look. “Alright, yeah.” Reagan nodded. “We’ll be waiting for you just out here.” They said. 

A little over twenty minutes later, Reagan and Hera were sitting in a small, seldom used prep room across from Captain Kirk and Spock. 

”Um so hi. I’m Ensign Hera Wilson and this is my friend Ensign Reagan Colb. And…we’re in charge of archiving your logs…both professional and personal.” Jim and Spock both seemed to stiffen at the statement. 

”Based on your reaction, I get the feeling you might know what we need to talk to you about.” Reagan said, softly. 

”Anything regarding my personal logs or Mister Spock’s personal logs should be kept private. I don’t wish to hear his and I’m sure he agrees with me.” Jim argued, his face stoic as he stared down the young officers. 

”Well the thing is, it involves both of your logs.” Reagan shrugged, they looked down slightly. “I’m sorry.” 

”We wouldn’t have said anything, but, Commander,” Hera looked at Spock, sadness and something near desperation in her eyes. “Sir, we couldn’t let you go through with your plans. Not when…you both feel the same way.” 

There was a sharp intake of breath that came from Jim. He refused to look at Spock, afraid of what he’d find. “Will you two…give us a moment?” Jim requested. Both Ensigns nodded, leaping from their chairs and heading towards the door. Jim still didn’t look at him. “What exactly are you planning, Mr. Spock?” 

Spock swallowed audibly. “I had planned on undertaking the Kohlinar. A Vulcan practice that clears the mind of all emotions and all bonds.” He kept his gaze locked on the table underneath his hands. “Jim…we are bonded.” He admitted. “We accidentally did so on Vulcan and…upon my recent realization of this fact I was forced to admit to myself-“ 

”I love you too, Spock.” Jim finally met the Vulcan’s gaze. “And I can’t believe you were gonna get rid of all your emotions because you thought I didn’t love you.” Jim felt tears begin to prick hot at the corners of his eyes. 

”I thought you would detest me.” Spock said softly. “I could not allow myself to live in a world where that could happen.” 

”Spock, I could never.” Jim responded, moving from his chair. His hand cupped Spock’s cheek, his thumb ghosting over the skin. He let out a soft laugh. “I can’t believe it took a couple of Ensigns listening in on our diaries for this to happen.” He shook his head slightly, pressing his forehead against Spock’s. 

”I find myself most grateful.” Spock murmured softly, relishing every point of contact between the two of them. 

”Me too.” Jim smiled. “We’ll have to recommend them for promotions or something.” 

”Agreed.” The corner of Spock’s mouth tilted upward and Jim leaned down to kiss the small smile. 

Spock allowed himself to linger in the kiss for a moment before he spoke. “Jim, is it an appropriate time to tell you we are already married on Vulcan?” 

Jim barked out a laugh as he situated himself onto Spock’s lap. “We’ll have to make it earth official soon, then.” He said, leaning back into the kiss. 

”Of course.” Spock smiled slightly. 

* * *

”Did you hear the news?” Reagan asked Hera with a smile. 

”I heard the news, and got the invition to the reception thing they’re having in a few weeks.” Hera responded, a similarly wide grin on her face. 

”We did a good thing.” Reagan said. 

”We did a great thing.” 


End file.
